I love to learn. Despite the drama, I always loved going to school. So much so, the two things I imagined being the most was a school bus and a teacher. Given that there’s no program for the former dream, I focused more on the latter. I would always role play about running my own class…with myself. It was a passion.
Initially, I never thought about making it a career. It never occurred to me that I could be a teacher. When it did, I applied for Teach for America. They said no (Side note: I applied for it two more times and they still said no, so I’m not going to waste time beating that dead horse again. No offense if you’re an animal lover.). As I thought about it again, I opted not to teach because my Crohn’s Disease was out of control and I didn’t think I could make it through a single class without having a flare-up. So I abandoned it.
I tried to fill the void in other ways. I looked at becoming a child psychologist, and utilize play therapy. I thought about having my own textbook company. At my peak, I pursued the career of being an education policy analyst. I thought I had it. Buut I didn’t. The door to continue that pursuit never opened for me.
But I can’t complain about that one too much. I didn’t want to spend my life kicking up dust between two political parties and ideologies that have allowed themselves to be polarized by demagoguery. The only real complaint there is that I wasted so much time and resources to arrive at that conclusion. I’ve cultivated a strong dislike for wasting time ever since then.
Working at a community center’s camp and after school program, I really did love working with the children there. The smiles, the love, that part of the homework hour when they figured something out, nothing really beats it. I have so many memories of it.
Some of my coworkers, after talking about things I liked to do, tried to encourage me to pursue it. But I couldn’t. I was tired of school. Tired of the hours and hours of study. Tired of the endless effort with nothing to show for it at the end of the race.
I still dream about the classroom life, though. I said to myself that if I ever became a teacher, I would go to Finland and learn how to teach there. They’re at the top for a reason and that’s something that the powers that be over American education just can’t accept.
But then I look at what American education has become. A place where teachers are quitting left and right, stressed out, angry, heartbroken over how their support systems refuse to support them. A place where so many students are being crippled for life by overindulgent parents and administrators and an educational worldview that doesn’t prepare children for life. Many students themselves have no will or love of learning.
Anyone who loves children could not help but jump into that quagmire and work desperately to fix it. But would I be happy in that kind of environment? Or would I become jaded with my dream of teaching and want to leave it like so many teachers I’ve seen on YouTube?
At this point, I believe that God knows best. If He wanted me in that system, I would be in it. I would be in that classroom, teaching a subject that I have yet to put my finger on to have a passion for, building those relationships with students and parents who love learning about their children’s development. I’d have that quality training and be able to pay off any loans I took on with a salary fit for someone who spent a minimum of six years of education to teach the next generation. I wouldn’t have to worry about the stress of the job causing my Crohn’s to go off the deep end. But alas.
If you’re a teacher in that system, you’re an amazing, unappreciated, treasure of a person and I respect you. If I could, I would be in the trenches with you. But alas.
Alas, American education has fallen, has fallen. Where shall my dream go now?
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